MAKING A DREAM HOME/MARRIAGE

The secret to a long and happy marriage could be having separate beds, an expert on sleep claims.

Not only will a couple escape arguments over duvet-hogging and fidgeting, but they will have a proper night's rest.Click Here!

This will have a huge impact on both their health and the relationship as poor sleep increases the risk of stroke, heart disease and divorce, said Dr Neil Stanley.
The couple that stays together... sleeps apart: Don't be afraid to relocate to a different bed if your marriage is coming under strain, say scientists
The consultant, who set up sleep laboratories at Surrey University, said: 'Poor sleep is bad for your physical, mental and emotional health. There is no good thing about poor sleep.

'If you sleep perfectly well together, then don't change. But don't be afraid to relocate.'
If a husband or wife snores, twin beds might not be an option either, and they should sleep in separate bedrooms, he told the British Science Festival.

Dr Stanley, who follows his own advice and sleeps in a different room to his wife, said that double beds are just not conducive to a good night's sleep.

He said the tradition of the marital bed began with the industrial revolution, when people moved into cities and found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. Click Here!

He said that now the British way is to have a 4ft 6in double bed. 'A standard single bed is 2ft 6in or 3ft, that means you have nine inches less sleeping space in bed than your child does in theirs.

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'You then put in this person who makes noise, punches, kicks and gets up to go to the loo in the middle of the night, is it any wonder you are not getting a good night's sleep?' He added:

'Poor sleep increases the risk of depression, heart disease, stroke, respiratory failure and increases the risk of divorce and suicidal behaviour.'

A recent large- scale Japanese study concluded that seven and a half hours of sleep a night is optimal for good health.

A third of British adults regularly have fewer than five hours. Dr Stanley's advice follows studies at Surrey University on the impact of tossing and turning on sleeping partners.

When one partner moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50 per cent chance the other will also change position.

Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with just 8 per cent of those in their 40s and 50s bedding down in different rooms.

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Close All polls Click to view yesterday's poll results Separate bedrooms are much more common in old age, with more than 40 per cent of those aged 70-plus sleeping apart.

This could be because long-established couples feel more secure in their relationships.

They may also find it easier to bring up the touchy topic of one moving out of the marital bed and could also be more likely to have a spare room than a younger couple.

Dr Stanley said the argument that it is comforting to sleep beside someone else holds little water.

He said: 'Sleep is the most selfish thing we can do. People say that they like the feeling of having their partner next to them when they are asleep. But you have to be awake to feel that.

'We all know what it is like to sleep in a bed with somebody and have a cuddle.
'But at one point you say, "I'm going to go to sleep now".

'Why not at that point just take yourself down the landing?

'Intimacy is important for emotional health. But good sleep is important for physical, emotional and mental health.

'Getting a good night's sleep is something we should all aspire to.'


Print this article Read later Email to a friend Share this article: Digg it Del.icio.us Reddit Newsvine Nowpublic StumbleUpon Facebook MySpace Fark Comments (61)Here's what readers have had to say so far. Why not debate this issue live on our message boards.
The comments below have been moderated in advance.
Newest Oldest Best rated Worst rated View all We bought a big bed .... a really big bed! The king size along with the properly sized linnens, light for summer, heavy for winter & mid weight for autumn & early spring gives us the ability to "find each other" when the mood arises, have the odd mid night cuddle after a funny dream yet sleep soundly & undisturbed as we so wish. The ability to be able to "starfish" is heavenly & in this monster we can both do it at the same time, just try that in your seperate single!
Dave

Who says it has to be two singles? We have two Super king (6ft beds) in seperate rooms, it's wonderful!!
- chris, Beds, 09/9/2009 18:28
Click to rate Rating 34 Report abuse
We have been married 19yrs and have recently bought a super kingsize bed and we have separate mattresses. Absolute bliss, we now no longer disturb each other when we get up in the night and I am no longer 'bounced' out of bed when my husband gats into bed, we should have done it years ago.
- Mary Burke, Warrington, 09/9/2009 18:28
Click to rate Rating 35 Report abuse
I have been saying this for years, some peoples marriages suffer terribly due to bad sleeping habits - my grandparents slept apart for years and the last thing my grandma always did was kiss my grandads head and tell him she loved him - before tottering off to her lovely fluffy feminine room while Grandad was happily surrounded by his National Geographic mags and fly fishing books.

Not only did they sleep better but they had their own identities reflected in their rooms - something which made them much happier as a couple. I have been single for 4 years but have always promised myself if I ever live with anyone else there is no way I could settle with someone who could not accept separate rooms - its got nothing to do with love - or should I actually say, everything to do with it.
- Mandy, London, UK, 09/9/2009 17:01
Click to rate Rating 46 Report abuse
The secret is to get a bigger bed! Hubby & me had terrible arguments in a double bed so we threw it out and bought a super kingsize. Wow...what a bed, we get to sleep together but get a blissful nights sleep.
- kate, wilmslow, 09/9/2009 15:54
Click to rate Rating 21 Report abuse
"If your bed isn't big enough just get a super king size"

Nice idea but we can't all fit them in our houses.
- fiona, eastbourne, 09/9/2009 15:52
Click to rate Rating 29 Report abuse
I never knew my love life was going so well - for some reason women refuse to sleep in the same house as me! Now I know they're just trying to make our relationship work, huzzah!
- Cam, London, Broken Britain, 09/9/2009 15:47
Click to rate Rating 41 Report abuse
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HOW TO GET MORE CLOSER WITH YOUR MATE

Whether you're nurturing a budding romance or you've been married since the first lunar landing, you can have a more committed, loving, and fulfilling relationship -- if you're willing to do a little work. Not sure where to start? consulted with top relationship experts to bring you this set of intimacy-building tips.

Listen, With the TV Off
All of our experts agree on this point -- listening, truly listening, can reduce conflict, boost trust, and lead to a more satisfying partnership. Listening may sound simple, but it requires more than being in the same room while your better half is speaking. Signal that you care by turning off the television, offering your undivided attention and making eye contact. And don't forget to follow up on what you hear.Click Here!

This is particularly important when your partner is upset. If you listen carefully, you are more likely to understand the problem and find a way to help. This can take practice, according to Steve Brody, PhD, author of Renew Your Marriage at Midlife. "Practice listening in less-loaded relationships, like with customers at work or friends on the phone," Brody suggests. "After building up listening muscle in those less-challenging relationships, the weight of your partner becoming unglued won't be as overwhelming."

Focus on the Relationship Positives
"When you first meet someone, you pay attention to all the things you like," says Kate Wachs, PhD, a Chicago psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. "As time goes on, you start to take that for granted and instead you focus on what bothers you. If the relationship becomes more negative than positive, you break up."

The solution is to make a conscious effort to focus on the things you like about your partner. "Your partner has many good qualities, as well as things that drive you crazy," Brody says. "Look for [the positives] and drink those in. Jot them down to remember them."

Stop Nagging
Nagging not only creates tension, it usually gets you nowhere. "If you're nagging, your partner will tune you out," Wachs tells WebMD. "If someone isn't giving you what you want, think about what you are doing. It's not working. What can you do instead? Have a dialogue ... Instead of saying what you don't like, say what you would prefer. Give alternatives."

Remember to balance any criticisms with a heavy dose of positive feedback. When making a request that could be seen as nagging, take the edge off by expressing appreciation for your partner's good qualities. "Give 20 positives whenever you want to ask for a change," Wachs says. Your partner will be more motivated to please you if he or she feels appreciated.

Spend More Time Together
You've probably heard the idea before -- make dates and keep them. Putting couple time on your calendar reinforces your sense of dedication to each other. "Couples benefit when they feel commitment," Peter A. Wish, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Don't Stop at Green Lights: Every Woman's Guide to Taking Charge of Her Life and Fulfilling Her Dreams, tells WebMD. "Make these private times special by not including others."

But don't make the mistake of limiting your interaction to designated couple time. Try to enjoy each other's company for at least a few minutes every day, especially first thing in the morning, at the end of the workday and right before bed. "At those times talk about positive things," Wachs says. "It makes a big impression." Make a special point of greeting each other at the end of the workday. If you're home first, stop what you're doing when your partner arrives and spend a moment together. "Act like [he or she] is important," Wachs advises, "not just the postman stopping by with the mail."
always treat each other with royal touch.Click Here!